Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Some iphone apps

I have some iphone app ideas (app is tech talk for applied information science technology)

My first iphone app would help you in any social situation where someone is about to spoil a movie you haven't seen.
"Hey, in the new MI4: Ghost Protocol there is this bomb a$* twist when Ethan Hunt finds out-"

The app will sound an alarm so powerful it will render the potential movie spoiler deaf, and give them horrible diarrhea.

The next app sends out a signal that kills any other cell phone that bothers you during a movie.

That scene wasn't from a movie, but it is from the emotional climactic series Dawson's Creek. Here is the clip(spoiler alert: you will cry, if seeing other people cry, makes you cry.)

If you're worried about your iphone getting stolen, worry no more, this new app will make it seems as if you are just licking a delicious ice cream cone.

Or an app that makes your screen looked cracked and broken will also deter criminals. 
Maybe you're embarrassed by the look of your iphone and you want the look of a flashy flip phone. This app will turn your frumpy iphone into a stylish phone from ten years ago. (antenna accessory sold separately)

Perhaps for you, it doesn't get better than a blackberry. Well, transform your iphone interface into whatever phone you want!

Maybe you're even embarrassed to have a iphone. No problem, download any one of the everyday items with a matching cellphone cover to disguise it.

You can surf the web, listen to music, text, sext, and talk all you want and no one will ever again think you're just showing off your new phone.

Patent Pending: Steal these ideas and I will cut you!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Candies Of Yore

Some friends and I were reminiscing about all the great halloween candy we got when we were young. Some one mentioned they didn't sell candy cigarettes to children anymore and I was shocked. 

When I was young, not only did we have candy cigarettes and bubble gum cigars, we had sugar syrup filled heroine needles with bubble gum tourniquet.
Cotton candy flavored juice bong.
Sugar powder cocaine. (I can see why this was taken off the market. Most kids snorted the sugar when they were supposed to just eat it.)
 And tropical flavored meth amphetamine tabs with edible sores!

My generation grew up with all these and we turned out just fine! Only 12% of my friends  are hooked on drugs (the non-candy kind) now. You can't beat those odds!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Future Present

It was recently my one year wedding anniversary. I wanted to surprise my wife and hot glue another diamond to her engagement ring.

It looks like this-

 But it could look like THIS!
 And each year I would add another, and another.
So that in the future, all the ladies would be jealous of my lady's rock.

But after some serious thought, and lack of hot glue, I took her to dinner instead.

Side note: In the future there will be two finger loops on all coffee cups.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Purple Puma's

Have you ever been poopin in a public bathroom and the person next to you is really struggling. 

So you accidentally bend down just a little... 
and get a glimpse of the shoes.

Then later that day you meet someone new or even see an old friend...

and you look down.

And then the hand shake gets weird.

Any resemblance in your purple puma's and the purple puma's in this blog post are purely coincidence and it does not mean I actually saw you poopin.

And for the record, Im turning 30 next month.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Train Connection

On the train I saw an old woman staring at an old man.

After some time she said" Did the Giants win the game?"

The old man came to life. "Oh yes, they sure did. Sanchez pitched a great game!"

He went on and regaled her with the highlights of the game and his love for some of the new players.

He sat down next to her and continued to chat her up. A love connection was happening right before my eyes.

 I looked down and noticed neither of them had a wedding ring. A love connection was exploding right in front of me.
I felt like I was going to crap my pants with joy and happiness.  The soundtrack to Jerry McGuire  was playing in my head and the world seemed to slow down just to enjoy this wonderful moment.
Then she said "Im trying to read this book."

Silence for the rest of the train ride.

Side fact: The old lady really was reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.  Who knew violent crime mysteries were popular amongst the old wrinklies.

Friday, April 15, 2011


In about a month we are having an art auction for Japan and here is the drawing I did for it.

(8"x10"Acrylic with ink.)

It is a blueprint of a robot I have already submitted to the NRC (National Robot Council). As you can see it has every technology you would ever need. If my calculations are correct, and they always are, this will be in every household by the first quarter of the next full moon. It is called the Bionic Operating Nano Electric Robot, or for short the BONE- uh never mind, we are still currently working on a name.

Friday, April 08, 2011

Twilight Romance

Last weekend my wife and I were leaving Trader Joes with our groceries. We were right behind a grandma and her grandson. She was in her twilight years and he looked like he played a hunky werewolf in the best twilight film(new moon). The sun was setting and we had white cheddar corn puffs to eat when we got home, it was looking like that sunday was going to be my favorite sunday ever.

And then the unthinkable...

The hunky werewolf grabbed the grandma who was not his grandma(I think) and kissed her with a passionate open mouthed kiss. 
Obviously I was stunned.
 Lindsay played it cool...
Lindsay-"Just keep walking, don't look."
Lindsay-"Just keep walking, don't look."

 Lindsay-"Just keep walking, don't look."

I was frozen.

After quite some time they stopped kissing and I regained the use of my legs. When I  made it to the car, I looked up and saw...
He was helping her put on her seatbelt and went in for more old face sucking.

I tried to start the car...
But I couldn't. It was like I was looking at the eye of Sauron.

I was finally able to figure it out. We sped off home, but the damage was done. I didn't even feel like eating the white cheddar corn puffs anymore, my sunday was ruined.

I know what you're thinking. Was it really such a passionate looking kiss? The answer is, YES! It was a VERY passionate kiss.

I know what else you're thinking. How did you get so good at drawing cars? Answer, I worked on Cars 2 for like a year, so yeah, that's how.